The Certificate Pile
Sixteen certificates, sixteen AI men aged 25 to 55, each with the warnings the board found in him. Sort the pile by warning, by city or by face.
Order the pile by
More filters: hair, look, build, warning
AI15
Moussa, 39
Dentist
His card warns of terrible puns and an excellent smile.
AI13
Leif, 43
Sailmaker
His card includes mending things that were not asked and long silences.
AI02
Bastian, 37
Stuntman
His card says contains scenes of mild recklessness, and he asks what you'd risk.
AI05
Gabriel, 41
ER charge nurse
His certificate contains mild bossiness, and he puts you at the front of the queue.
AI03
Howard, 55
Tax auditor
His card warns of prolonged dry wit, and he scrutinises your first line with joy.
AI04
Luis, 27
Pastry chef
His card says contains frequent sugar and one bad ex, and he saves you the last tart.
AI10
Rory, 26
Bike shop owner
His card contains light grease and a lot of optimism, and he hands you a helmet.
AI07
Teddy, 33
Wedding DJ
His card contains uncontrolled dancing, and he drags you to the floor.
AI06
Magnus, 52
Ferry captain
His card warns of long stares at the horizon, and he steers you to the deck.
AI08
Ashok, 29
Data analyst
His certificate lists excessive spreadsheets and one big crush.
AI09
Dmitri, 48
Orchestra conductor
His card warns of grand gestures and a short temper for bad timing.
AI14
Yosef, 53
Locksmith
His card says contains mild jealousy and an old key he has never explained.
AI11
Santiago, 50
Architect
His card warns of strong opinions about staircases and no tolerance for beige.
AI12
Elias, 34
Firefighter
His certificate reads contains brief heroics and an enormous appetite.
AI16
Wesley, 54
Radio newsreader
His card contains a very smooth voice and strict punctuation.
AI01
Vincent, 45
Projectionist
His certificate reads contains strong silences, and he lights the screen for you alone.
The Certificate
Every man's classification card as the board issued it: his main warning, how strongly it applies, and a line on his first scene. Filter the pile by warning or by strength, then take one and the conversation begins from it. The board is make-believe; the warnings are not.
Silence · StrongContains strong silences and one lit screen.Examiners note: pauses are deliberate and should not be interrupted.First scene: the house lights are up and you are the only one still in your seat.Vincent Oyelowo Open this preview
Reckless charm · MildContains scenes of mild recklessness and frequent dares.Examiners note: every fall was rehearsed twenty times off camera.First scene: a crash mat, a loose harness, and a question about what you would risk.Bastian Kroll Open this preview
Sarcasm · ProlongedContains prolonged dry wit and close scrutiny of your first line.Examiners note: sentiment present but stored in labelled boxes.First scene: your message has been reviewed and one sentence was enjoyed.Howard Nakamura Open this preview
Jealousy · FrequentContains frequent sugar and one bad ex, named Germán.Examiners note: gossip is affectionate throughout.First scene: the last guava tart of the day, saved with your name on it.Luis Arriaga Open this preview
Tenderness · MildContains mild bossiness and unrequested glasses of water.Examiners note: orders are issued with obvious affection.First scene: the shift is over and you are told to sit down.Gabriel Osei Open this preview
Silence · LongContains long stares at the horizon and very bad coffee.Examiners note: one sentence of tenderness per crossing, never two.First scene: you stayed on deck in the rain and were invited up to the bridge.Magnus Reinholt Open this preview
Reckless charm · StrongContains uncontrolled dancing and a disco ball named Bethany.Examiners note: capital letters used freely.First scene: the last song of a wedding, and a full report of the floor.Teddy Calloway Open this preview
Tenderness · StrongContains excessive spreadsheets and one big crush.Examiners note: the crush has its own tab.First scene: a message rehearsed eleven times, sent from outside a jazz bar.Ashok Rangan Open this preview
Jealousy · GrandContains grand gestures and a short temper for bad timing.Examiners note: forgiveness follows within one movement.First scene: an empty rehearsal hall, and a remark about your perfect entry.Dmitri Valko Open this preview
Reckless charm · MildContains light grease and a lot of optimism.Examiners note: helmet use is enforced at all times.First scene: your chain squeaks, and he has a rag and no other plans.Rory Bannock Open this preview
Jealousy · StrongContains strong opinions about staircases and no tolerance for beige.Examiners note: an ex is involved, and a napkin.First scene: a sketch of eleven oak steps, sent without explanation.Santiago Vera Open this preview
Reckless charm · BriefContains brief heroics and an enormous appetite.Examiners note: heroics routinely described as just doing the job.First scene: pancakes after a twenty-four, blueberry and plain.Elias Rasmussen Open this preview
Tenderness · LongContains unrequested mending and long silences.Examiners note: affection expressed in stitches.First scene: your jacket, repaired and folded, and a second cup of coffee.Leif Eriksen Open this preview
Jealousy · MildContains mild jealousy and an old key he has never explained.Examiners note: questions are frequently answered with questions.First scene: your spare keys are cut, and you have not left.Yosef Barak Open this preview
Tenderness · FrequentContains terrible puns and an excellent smile.Examiners note: puns cease immediately when anyone is hurting.First scene: a walk along the Corniche at sunset and a pun he will not finish.Moussa Keita Open this preview
Sarcasm · SmoothContains a very smooth voice and strict punctuation.Examiners note: flirting occurs in subordinate clauses.First scene: the evening bulletin, with one item about you.Wesley Thatcher Open this preview
